I'm sure you've guessed that this blog is slowly fading away. And I'm okay with that. My goals have changed, but I haven't formally changed them on here, nor have I finished the journey to my new mindset. Right now, I'm just trying to be calm, not go to the other extreme, and exorcise some demons in my life.
Some of those demons are self-imposed. Some are actual people. Some are just life stresses that have to be dealt with.
I'm still maintaining. No real gains or losses to speak of. But I have not been eating very healthily. I expected as much. Once, about twenty years ago, I "gave up" dieting and promptly gained 5 pounds in one week! I rebelled against the restrictive nature of diets by going hog wild. But then, as I realized that it didn't have to be diet and it didn't have to be pig-out, that there was a happy medium, the weight started to go down.
I'm older now and the weight is not dropping off yet. But I think I'm still in a bit of rebellion against trying so hard to lose weight. I'm still sowing my wild oats, so to speak. I'm enjoying the freedom of not restricting myself. I'm trying to embrace a new mindset of moderation.
I'm getting there, be it ever so slowly.
And this relaxing couldn't have come at a better time. I'm currently faced with a very stressful situation in my personal life that is draining the life right out of me. But I've finally decided on a course of action that will relieve most of this stress.
But it comes with a price. And that price has brought some sadness to me, but I know in my very core what has to be done. I'm very much at peace with this decision and feel it's for the best. I will lose a friend because of it (although, as it turns out, she was lost to me already). But you can only breathe in the toxic fumes of a dysfunctional friendship for so long before you either have to become toxic yourself or get out in the fresh air--for good.
So NOT dieting or worrying about pounds, miles, and calories has been such a huge relief right now. I'm still trying to exercise (but my sleep cycle is totally screwed up right now) and am looking forward to listening to FOUR cd's of workout playlists lovingly made and sent by C-squared in California. How lovely to have friends who think enough of you to go to that trouble. Thanks, CC!!